"All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.." -Romans 8:28
"Take great joy when you face trials of many kinds..." -James 1:2
THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC MATERIAL AND IS NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN!
When I was three years old, I was molested by six men over the course of seven years. This is a little part of my story and a message to the families of the child molesters.
I am only going to tell of the most traumatic incidents since the others were by separate men who didn't know each other. They were mild in comparison. When I was three, a man lived with our family and helped care for my baby brother and I. But he had a problem with alcohol and drugs. He would get drunk at night, wake me up with the bath water running and make me take a bath with him. He used to touch me, make me touch him and sometimes I had to do oral things, if you know what I mean. He told me that my mom said it was okay and that if I told her, she would be mad at me for complaining. The only time he didn't come in at night was when my brother was sleeping in the room and we were sleeping on the floor.
I didn't remember very much for years. I just stopped thinking about it and convinced myself it never actually happened. But I still needed my mom to be no more than 10 feet away from the bathroom door with the door open when I showered. I couldn't even handle getting dressed in the bathroom. I would get sick and dizzy, irritable and cry a lot after a shower, which is the reason I could only handle one or two a week.
I was just talking with my mom and the woman we call my second mom one day when I was 19 years old and it suddenly hit me the gravity of what had happened and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just started crying. It took almost a year for me to be able to eat a hot dog or pickle or anything that shape. I felt like 'damaged goods.' I had been saving myself for marriage, but I felt like I wasn't worthy of a good man or a good life, and that if I married someone who was good, I would ruin their life and bring them down. So I gave up on saving myself. To this day, I have those thoughts, sometimes. But now I know that it wasn't my fault, and that I am not 'damaged.' I still have to remind myself of that from time- to- time.
So to the families and victims of sexual abuse, know that you are not damaged. You deserve a spouse who will treat you like the king or queen that you are. You deserve to be with someone who isn't abusive at all. And when it is the right person, sex won't be as hard. And if it is, the RIGHT person will love you through it and won't pressure you. YOU ARE NOT DAMAGED GOODS!
To the families of molesters, know that YOU didn't do anything wrong. You were NOT the one who hurt someone. Also, as controversial as it sounds, it is OKAY to continue loving and having a relationship with your relative. Just don't enable that person. Think of it like this; your family member might be able to get some help, now. Yes, it changes things, but this just might be the a new beginning.
If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual abuse, please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
I wasn't going to talk about this at all because it makes me so sad and brings back a lot of hard memories. But, it has been 15 years since the 9/11 attacks on the Twin Towers.
I remember that day vividly. I was 10 years old, and in the 5th grade. I had never even heard of the Twin Towers. I got to school before the doors were even open, just like I had every morning that year. I had decided I was mature and needed to be extra early to school. When I got to the door, a few other kids in my grade were also waiting. One of them told me that the Twin Towers in New York had been bombed and that that was probably the reason so many teachers were not at school yet.
They finally opened the doors and there was a heaviness in the school. I live all the way across the country, so I knew that it had to be really, really bad for all the teachers and many students to be so glum and robotic. When I got to class, the teachers said we be starting our day very differently. They all explained what had happened. At that point, no one knew for sure what happened, why or by whom.
The teachers put on a news program with the attacks coverage and we watched the explosion, the plane crash and footage of all the chaos going on in New York. It felt like a dream. I kept thinking that this really can't be that bad. Then, President Bush called for a nationwide time of silence and prayer. The news shut off and the principal of our school came on over the loudspeaker and said to be silent or pray if we do that. It was the most sorrowful silence I have ever heard or felt.
We finished out the school day, but didn't do much in terms of education. I walked home in disbelief, still unsure of how bad what had happened really was. When I got home, Mom was watching the attack on the news again and crying. She had her hand over her mouth. She prayed and cried for what seemed like an hour. When I saw my mother cry like that about something that happened thousands of miles away, it really hit me just how bad this was.
In the coming months, our country changed so drastically, so quickly, that I felt like all the adults were in a whirlwind. There was a lot of controversy and debate about things that never seemed to be an issue before. It has been 15 years, and I will never forget that day. I know that no one will.
I don't have much to say other than we did it America! We survived the worst terrorist attack in U.S. history and we are still standing. If we can work together to survive this attack, we can work together to survive anything life in our country throws at us. Instead of tearing our own country down with riots and shootings, lets remember 9/11 by looking forward and stopping all this violence. We all had different opinions about 9/11, and we still worked together. I'd really like to see us do that again.
I was a nanny for over ten years. Now, I make homemade toys and write full time. Occasionally, I work at my local schools and provide back- up child care for some parents I used to work for and for my church's nursery. I am multi-talented and loves to paint, draw, crochet, write and sew.