"All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.." -Romans 8:28
"Take great joy when you face trials of many kinds..." -James 1:2
THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC MATERIAL AND IS NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN!
When I was three years old, I was molested by six men over the course of seven years. This is a little part of my story and a message to the families of the child molesters.
I am only going to tell of the most traumatic incidents since the others were by separate men who didn't know each other. They were mild in comparison. When I was three, a man lived with our family and helped care for my baby brother and I. But he had a problem with alcohol and drugs. He would get drunk at night, wake me up with the bath water running and make me take a bath with him. He used to touch me, make me touch him and sometimes I had to do oral things, if you know what I mean. He told me that my mom said it was okay and that if I told her, she would be mad at me for complaining. The only time he didn't come in at night was when my brother was sleeping in the room and we were sleeping on the floor.
I didn't remember very much for years. I just stopped thinking about it and convinced myself it never actually happened. But I still needed my mom to be no more than 10 feet away from the bathroom door with the door open when I showered. I couldn't even handle getting dressed in the bathroom. I would get sick and dizzy, irritable and cry a lot after a shower, which is the reason I could only handle one or two a week.
I was just talking with my mom and the woman we call my second mom one day when I was 19 years old and it suddenly hit me the gravity of what had happened and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just started crying. It took almost a year for me to be able to eat a hot dog or pickle or anything that shape. I felt like 'damaged goods.' I had been saving myself for marriage, but I felt like I wasn't worthy of a good man or a good life, and that if I married someone who was good, I would ruin their life and bring them down. So I gave up on saving myself. To this day, I have those thoughts, sometimes. But now I know that it wasn't my fault, and that I am not 'damaged.' I still have to remind myself of that from time- to- time.
So to the families and victims of sexual abuse, know that you are not damaged. You deserve a spouse who will treat you like the king or queen that you are. You deserve to be with someone who isn't abusive at all. And when it is the right person, sex won't be as hard. And if it is, the RIGHT person will love you through it and won't pressure you. YOU ARE NOT DAMAGED GOODS!
To the families of molesters, know that YOU didn't do anything wrong. You were NOT the one who hurt someone. Also, as controversial as it sounds, it is OKAY to continue loving and having a relationship with your relative. Just don't enable that person. Think of it like this; your family member might be able to get some help, now. Yes, it changes things, but this just might be the a new beginning.
If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual abuse, please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
I was a nanny for over ten years. Now, I make homemade toys and write full time. Occasionally, I work at my local schools and provide back- up child care for some parents I used to work for and for my church's nursery. I am multi-talented and loves to paint, draw, crochet, write and sew.